Friday, September 25, 2009

Nice Jean Skirt!

I was talking with DP last night and I was reminded of a conversation I witnessed many years ago at a certain longtime job of mine.

LRD and I were sitting in our cubicle talking--as we worked, of course--when the department secretary (DS), who used to work with us, came in to drop off some paperwork.

LRD: DS, I love your skirt!

DS: (looking down at her ankle length jean skirt) Oh!

LRD: You look like a cowgirl!

DS: Oh. (clearly disappointed)

LRD: (clearly recognizing that disappointment) But, I mean, like a cowgirl dressed up and going out for the night!

DS: Oh! (much more comfortable with that description)

LRD: To a barn dance!

DS: Oh. (not so comfortable)

At this point I started laughing so hard that they both stopped talking and that was the end of the awkwardness. Luckily, the two of them were good enough friends that DS wasn't offended. Sometimes I replay this moment in my head and think about how DS's reaction went up, down, up, down. Then I replay old episodes of the Simpsons.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Doth Mine Eyes Deceive Me?

I'm pretty sure that I saw it. But sometimes you're walking across campus (or down a crowded street) and you see flashes that your brain then has to decode, and by the time you realize what you saw it's too late to casually run back and take another look.

So I'm pretty sure I saw it. But I can't be positive. I mean, it looked like it. But why would she have done that? Why would anyone do that? I don't think even normal ones look good, but to make one that can so quickly be compared to the original is just a bad idea. Especially when not even the original looks very appealing.

But there she was, walking right past me. With a tattoo on her arm. A tattoo of her own face. On her arm. Her face is now on her arm. Her slightly bulging arm. Her slightly bulging face is now on her slightly bulging arm. The same short black hair, the same round face. On her arm. Two faces. One body. Too much.

There it was, the bulging face on the bulging arm, and I with only one second to appreciate it. Depreciate it? I will always regret that I didn't stop, run back, grab her by the bulging shoulders and shake her and scream, "Why?! Why did you put your bulging face on your bulging arm? Isn't one of your bulging faces enough for the world? Can't you just look in the mirror like a normal person? Don't I already know what your bulging face looks like from looking at your bulging face, which happens to be right next to your depiction of your bulging face? Do you often wear masks that hide your bulging face, but still want people to know what you look like in case they ever see you without the mask? (still shaking) Do you think that people can't get enough of your bulging face? Cuz they can! Believe me they can! It's bulging!"

I could probably go on for a while. But the more I picture both bulging faces shaking in horror, the less I want to keep shaking.

Or maybe it was a tattoo of some animal or the word MOM. I did just see it for a second. I guess I'll never know.