Woman, Get Thee Hence!
Last night I got asked out on a date for the first time this semester. I don't think I like it. I am sorry, ladies, for being so old fashioned, but my first reaction to a girl asking me out is almost invariably an inexplicable disappointment. (Except in the theoretical, though improbable, case in which it is a girl I have desperately wanted to date but not had the courage to ask out.) So, why should it be that a nice girl asking me out gives me such pause? Let's explore the options.
- Genetic Explanation
It's not my fault! My dating habits are only the product of a long genetic history that has preprogrammed me to react poorly to forward women. It must be a mutation on my paternal grandmother's line. She never asked a boy out. - Environmental Explanation
It's not my fault! I have been raised to believe this way. It is years of FHE and Sunday School that have led me to assume that asking for dates was a priesthood responsibility. (I fail to cite any quorums due to the prodigious lack of content in most prepared-during-sacrament-meeting "lessons.") - Chemical Explanation
It's not my fault! Though I may not have been born predisposed or raised poorly, I definitely have taken in a much larger dosage of radiation than is healthy. Watching 5-6 hours of TV a day as a child, mixed with living for a year in apartments next to power generators, combined with my natural aversion to sunscreen, has probably thrown off the balance of dopamine, norepinephrine, and seratonin, thus preventing a healthy acceptance of date offers. I smell a class-action lawsuit! Who's with me? - Freudian Explanation
It's not my fault! That stupid id. Why won't he just stay where he belongs: repressed in the darkest recesses of my mind. I am oedipally waiting for someone like my mother. I recognize that a girl willing to ask out a boy has some sort of repressed envy. I dreamt about a floating cow, which obviously represents the strained relationship with my father that prevents me from committing to anyone. A few years on the couch should help this out. - Beethovenian Explanation
dun-dun-dun-duuuunnnnn - Spiritual Explanation
It's not my fault! It is just God's will. I was so in tune with the Spirit on my mission that I now receive constant revelation with regards to my love life. Obviously, when the right one comes along and asks me out, I will know by a burning in the bosom; a still, small voice; or a heavenly visitation. Thus far all I have received is a stupor of thought. - Probable Explanation
It's all my fault! I am a prideful, vain man who wants to chase down some girl so that I feel like I have conquered someone worth having, thus proving what a catch I am. I mean, obviously if a girl will go for me she must have something wrong with her. I should need to convince her in some way to stoop to my level, because that will prove that she really is the best I could do.
So I guess we'll go see Charade on Friday. I've never seen it, so I hope I'll like it. And if I don't, I know there are plenty of reasons why . . .
posted by Limon @ 12:23 PM
16 comments
16 Comments:
I'd sit behind you in the theatre and throw popcorn at your head, but that might be too forward.
Sadly, I agree with you. I've never had success when asking a guy out. It's as though men are afraid when this happens, that it's some sort of trickery.
We women do better with subtle manipulation. :) You can't work that sly magic when you're bold enough to ask a guy out. Must play sweet and submissive, eh ladies? Our days of domination come later, after the wedding.
If you don't like the movie, I'm sure it won't be your fault. :-)
I have secretly always suspected these things about boys. The few times I asked guys out it never went anywhere.
Trick is, like my good friend sakhmet says, sometimes we get tired of being at home. We're not always consoled by the thought that maybe there's a guy out there who wants to ask us out and just doesn't have the gumption to do it.
I hope you like the movie, though! Please promise me that you will dance in your seat when the opening theme starts, okay? Promise me!
And ironically, every relationship I have ever had has started because the guy thought I was being forward and making moves. [shrugs] I just thought I was being friendly. No, really.
And I don't see how you can blame these poor girls, even if they go from asking you at to throwing themselves bodily at you. If you want people to stop being attracted to you, you might try gaining 350 pounds, shaving your head, and carrying a large cudgel to beat them off with. And even then, the minute you opened your mouth to start talking, they'd be dodging the cudgel to try to get a little closer. Have a little pity on them.
cicada: I'll see you there. Make sure you bring a date, too. Or at least your brother.
metamorphose: You have hit the nail right on the head. The subtlety is the key--that's what makes it so hard.
sakhmet: What makes that situation so improbable is that I haven't desperately wanted to date anyone in a long time. and I'm a coward.
nemesis: You're right. She deserves a night out with a great guy. Anybody know any? The word verification was mattj. maybe that's him. And I will dance. Promise.
brozy: I appreciate your undying devotion to my face, but doesn't your boyfriend mind the posters in your room?
Limon with cudgel.
I told him you were my, uhhh, brother. Cousin. My brother's cousin. Yes.
And he said maybe we should set you up with his sister's niece.
So you're saying it's not your fault?
We want to hear about your date!!
I'm so glad you agree with me Limon.
Have fun dating Miss Sweet and Submissive, but don't say I didn't warn you after you marry her.
I feel a tirade coming on....
Tirade away, please.
Honestly though, I agree with Limon on how asking guys out doesn't work -however, I think it's just stupid that it doesn't.
Anyway, here's to subtlety, living a sexless existence, and dying alone. :P Ha!
Oh, I agree that it doesn't work and I'll even give limon credit for being honest about why it doesn't work...but still, somewhere inside, I am seething...I'll save it for my blog some other time.
Ya know, I'm an old fart, over 50 in fact, but I find the whining going on in this post to be just a bit offensive. Young man, you need to start acting like you have a pair and start asking someone out. If you don't have the gonads for that, then you shouldn't have to whine around and waste precious blog space complaining when, for whatever reason, some girl found you attractive enough to ask YOU. Maybe the reason she did it, is because that's the only way she could get a date, since none of the girly men around her seem to have enough testosterone to pop a question. Should you be offended by it? No you should ask yourself why you weren't man enough to ask her first.
Anonymous:
1) Don't waste your precious time reading Limon's blogspace and you won't get so offended.
2) Did you read none of his points facetiously?
3) Did his comment, "I am a prideful, vain man who wants to chase down some girl so that I feel like I have conquered someone worth having, thus proving what a catch I am" not sound a little bit sarcastic to you? Like maybe he was kidding and/or exaggerating and/or admitting that his reactions are actually his fault?
4) Are you so ashamed of your comment that you have to post it anonymously? At least Sakhmet told him to grow a pair AND signed her name to it.
5) If you want to be offended at my portrayal of two French snots, feel free to visit my waste of blog space. You'll be able to go there because I actually attached my name to this comment.
oooh!! Charade is a good movie! i hope you liked it!
I've been having this craving to watch Into the Woods, but I left at my friend Sara's house (you remember sara, she got the missionary discussions, and almost got baptized, but instead she started drinking, doing drugs, and having sex!!) but she kind of scares me, and i'm not sure it's worth trying to go get it from her... we'll see...
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