There is not a good reason why each Christmas season
must be so hard for the lonely.
And nothing’s unkinder than constant reminders
that I’m lacking my “one and only.”
The mistletoe’s mocking and the single red stocking
like a donkey I’m forced to carry.
But the worst of it all is the maddening call
for a Christmas that has to be Marry!
It’s very apparent this language is errant
in making the day about marriage.
But the thought to me came that I know who to blame,
and he rides in that big deer-pulled carriage.
He’s bearded and fat and wears a red hat.
(He loses big points for style.)
Yes, it’s clear that Kris Kringle began as a single
and probably was for a while.
That plump little elf only thought of himself
and of getting his lady in red.
He claimed saying “happy” just wasn’t that snappy--
that we should say merry instead.
But now I am knowing that, despite his Ho-hoing,
dear Kris had a secret concealed.
By repeating that phrase at a quickening pace,
his plot is clearly revealed.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,
Merry Kris mus marry kris Must Marry Kris!
Must Marry Kris?!
I believe he’s a criminal for such a subliminal
desperate attempt for a wife.
He has in the doing successfully ruined
all Christmas for my single life.
I loathe him! I hate him! I’ll ever berate him
when I see him with his bell at the mall.
He thinks he’s so slick cuz he used a cheap trick
to capture his beautiful doll.
But then again, maybe he isn’t that crazy
for taking up that sneaky cause.
It’s easy to see that there’s no Mrs. Me
but we know there’s a Mrs. Claus.
So I’ll follow his lead cuz I have the same need.
And it’s a need that I have a lotta.
I’ll update my wish list, forget about Christmas,
and wish you a Merry Limon-gotta!
Merry Limon-gotta, everyone!!