Face Transplant

I read an article in the paper by Associated Press that reported that just recently in Lyon, France, the first successful partial face transplant was performed on a woman severely disfigured by a dog bite.

"The 38-year-old woman, who wants to remain anonymous, had a nose, lips and chin grafted onto her face from a brain-dead donor whose family gave consent."

This raises a few questions:

1. Why does she want to remain anonymous? Did this "dog" also happen to have a warrant for her arrest in connection with a drug cartel being run out of her hair salon? Did she also insist that she get new documents, such as a passport, driver's license, and Colombian visa, delivered to her hospital room? Who does she think she's fooling? We watch TV.

2. Why did the family give consent? How much money would I have to pay you to cut the nose and lower face off of your wife on life support? Were they planning on letting her die anyway? Because, believe me, once you have no nose, life ain't pretty. Ask Michael Jackson. Or Latoya. Did they replace the nose and mouth of this poor brain-dead woman? Does she now have a clown nose? Or did they spring for the glasses-mustache combo? What if she wakes up? Will she just claim she has a "really cleft chin"? Why doesn't anyone ever think of the brain-dead?

3. Did the woman get to preview a selection of faces before making her final choice? If so, do you think she tried to get a nose and a chin from different people? Or are there no substitutions on this combo? If she didn't get to choose, what if she got stuck with a brain-dead Whoopi or Jay Leno? Would the skin tones blend? Could she afford the foundation? Would the new chin cause neck and back problems? Could she afford the chiropractor? Sure, it's fun to be on the bandwagon of exciting medical breakthroughs, but who pays for the after-effects of the miracle surgery?

I love Associated Press, but he certainly left some important questions unanswered. I should write him a letter. Does anyone know his address?