Episode III: The Revenge of Audrey Hepburn's Ghost
To continue and conclude the story from Episodes I and II:
We met in the Wilk by the food court at 6:00 for the 6:45 showing of Charade,
then headed over to the Varsity theater at 6:30. There was no one in the theater and they hadn't even started taking tickets yet, so we got our pick of the seats. A few minutes later one other couple walked in and sat directly in front of us. The Varsity does not have stadium seating, so this guy's head basically took up half of the screen. It felt kind of like The Price is Right when one contestant would bid 850 dollars and the next guy would bid 851. We were one-upped.The movie was kind of strange, but entertaining. If you've seen it, then you know what I mean. Darkly funny.
Now comes the beginning of the end. After the movie, we went to my neighbor's house to witness a CD release by a guy who used to live there. He played for about and hour, which led to the inevitable devolution of the concert to a dance party. We danced with a group of our friends from the ward.
Side note: It's hard to publicize that you are on a date in a group setting like that. You can't verbally announce it, because that is reserved for engagements and pregnancies. You also can't physically announce it. because that would be leading her on, right? Point: no one knew we were on a date.
As the dance slowed down and people started to leave, there were only three of us that were left talking as a few stragglers continued to dance to Celine Dion's greatest hits. I mentioned that it was about time to go. The three of us got up to leave, and as we walked out of the house, the potential for disaster loomed heavy. The Woman, the friend-girl JB, and I started walking slowly towards the Woman's apartment. The thoughts started racing through my head. "JB doesn't know we're on a date! She's going to follow us all the way to the doorstep!
Options:
- Quickly write a note on a leaf and pass it back surreptitiously to JB.
- Start using words that rhyme with 'go away,' like 'stowaway' and 'overpay.'
- Grab the Woman and begin weaving through traffic and hope JB gets hit.
- Suggest playing a game of hide and seek--by the time JB counts to one thousand, the Woman will be safely 'hiding' in her apartment.
Darn it. No leaves"
By the time I had finished making the bulleted list, we were arriving at the door. I walked up to the Woman, gave her a hug, and then said, "Thanks for the movie. It was fun." Then to JB, "She took me to a movie tonight."
The effect was immediate. JB's face dropped and paled. "Oh," she stuttered. "You're on a date, and I am here at the doorstep. This is really awkward."
"No, that's fine," I said. "You can have a hug, too. Thanks for coming to the dance." I hugged her, said goodnight, and started to walk away. I looked back and saw JB backing away dizzily and then starting back for home.
The Woman said, "JB, I thought you were going to come in and play the piano for a while."
"Oh yeah."
The next day JB tracked me down to apologize. I tried to make it clear that I didn't mind at all and that I doubt the Woman was upset. She asked what she could do to make it up to me. I said a lasagna would do. So Sunday, Monday, and tonight, I have been enjoying a nice big lasagna. I have now decided that I am definitely willing to have awkward doorsteps for a three-day meal. Any takers?
posted by Limon @ 11:08 AM
26 comments
26 Comments:
YECH. She made you lasagna???? Not that I don't like a good lasagna, but YOU HONESTLY HAD HER MAKE YOU A LASAGNA?? That's disgusting. It wasn't her fault that she didn't know you were on a date. "How can I make it up to you?" Pathetic.
JB, if you read this, you need to not be such a doormat. I'm sure the whole thing was mighty embarrassing at the time, but quite frankly, reading about it...it wasn't THAT bad to make the guy lasagne. Maybe for your friend, but not him. He already got a movie out of it. Geesh.
By the way -"a few stragglers continued to dance to Celine Dion's greatest hits" -almost caused me more flabbergastation than the lasagne. Are you serious? Celine Dion? What is wrong with Provo??
I thought it was just as odd, but it's been so long since I have had a good meal that I only objected twice.
I agree that the Woman deserved the lasagna more than I. If anyone was upset about it, it would be her. Maybe I'll take her a slice. (Wait, that's how this all started; me visiting her.) (Wait, I still haven't decided whether "this" is a good thing.)
...I suppose it's hard to turn down home-made lasagne. But still. I find this to be most irksome.
Well even if you don't know whether or not you like this "thing," you can keep visiting her. And leading her on. And letting her pay for stuff. And then dump her. It'll teach her a lesson for asking you out in the first place.
I. Have. No. Words.
metamorphose: I just need two more girls to give me the go ahead on that plan and I am fully justified.
redlaw: can. I. count. you. in?
Oh limon...I'm afraid you have been victim to my wrath.
As for your "thing." Be nice to her. Please.
By the way, this is the last thing I'm going to say, because really, I don't like making such a fuss.
You said, "I just need two more girls to give me the go ahead on that plan and I am fully justified."
I'm glad you have every intention on blaming your own potential jerk-off behavior on what other women tell you to do. Why are you so keen on not taking responsibility for well, anything?
I'm rambling now. And so I'm just going to go away because obviously I'm overly sensitive about these kinds of things. And I can't keep my mouth shut.
I'm much too forward.
I'll just tuck this away as a reminder to why I hate church schools -due to the fact that this sort of attitude towards women runs rampant there.
I'm sorry that I came here and shot my mouth off. It's your blog. So don't worry, from now on I'll keep my opinions to myself.
The important question here, limon, is whether or not you danced to the Henry Mancini music like I told you to.
I completely forgot! to tell you that I did! I tried to get the Woman to do it, but she seemed disturbed by the thought of it. I got jiggy with it, though. Thanks for the tip!
You can't count me in because I'm not sure what the plan is...clarification is needed before I go yay or nay.
However, if said plan is to continue to see "the Woman" as she is called, I think you should do the right (hard) thing and not lead her on...it seems obvious (and has seemed so since your first post) that you are not interested in her...be a gentleman and let her find someone who will treat her as she deserves to be treated.
(Not that you've been horible, but we all deserve better than to be blogged about and used as the example of what not to do in a dating situation - someone out there is bound to love her, might as well let her find that someone.)
That's my two cents...and I love the greeting cards.
I think people need to cut you some slack.
a) It was just a date, not the Moment Wherein You Pop the Big Question That Forever Redefines Your Relationship.
b) If JB was going over to the Woman's place to play the piano, at some point in time, the Woman extended that invitation and therefore became responsible for advising JB that you were on a date and that she should come over at an appointed time.
c) If JB felt guilt, who are you to prevent her from finding a way to get rid of the guilt? If it means sacrificing and eating lasagna for three days, so be it.
Dear sweet sweet lemon,
When you and I went on a date last year, you didn't walk me to my door and therefore I had no doorstep scene with you. I think that you owe me lasagna or a door step scene.
Also, I don't know JB, I don't think (we'll talk later) but in my experience, when you tell a woman to make you a lasagna and she does, then she has some little hopes and feelings that may go beyond friendship. Just something to think about.
Metamorphose:
I think that mostly he's joking. I can vouch for the fact that he's one of the more outstanding guys I've known here at BYU. If he's being flippant on the blog, I think that his intention is to simply make us laugh.
.
Well, if his intention was to make us laugh, he succeeded.
I said most of what I wanted to say in response to Episode I, but after reading II and III I just wanted to add that I think you're a complete weiner.
(Wait, I still haven't decided whether "this" is a good thing.)
Since it's hard to tell after only one date, I'd say give it 2 or 3 more chances. That's not leading her on- it's getting to know her.
(tee hee hee, my word verification is 'godntdtg' it looks like a vanity plate that says "God Not Dating".... maybe it's a sign)
I am sorry for all the mean things I wrote on your blog. Obviously I am the one who is the complete weiner. Weiner, weiner, weiner. I am a weiner. Can I please make you a lasagna to make up for it? Also, I was on crack when I wrote the mean comments and when I called you a weiner. I smoke crack to make myself forget that I like to spend my time reading other people's "waste of blog space" and making rude comments. Please have a wonderful existence. You are not a weiner; you are a winner.
Lasagne or lasagna? Wiener or weiner?
Limon, my heart goes out to you. You are clearly the victim here.
Way to capitalize on the situation. Here's what I say about lasagna: When it comes to homemade Italian food, the ends always justify the means.
Merriam-Webster prefers the spelling of lasagna to lasagne and the spelling of weiner to wiener.
Hahahahaha. I'm going to bet that *you* didn't actually have her make the lasagna--you just planted the idea and she, in her guilt-stricken panic, went home and whipped one right up. Pathetic, perhaps, but it's the sort of groveling thing that I do to try to bribe people not to hate me. Also, I think she likes you. At least, she clearly doesn't hate you. Anyway, can I have some lasagna, please?
Meta--I can see how you could be frustrated/disturbed/negative emotion of your choice by some of the things Limon has posted. Here's the thing, though. Internet posts leave out an important part of communication--tone of voice. Also sometimes that bit about actually knowing people. Basically, you just walked into a conversation between a bunch of people you don't know. So you're lacking important background information, like the following:
1. Limon is a good, considerate guy.
2. Limon is honestly *very* attractive. He's funny, smart, and good-looking. Also, he sings beautifully.
3. Girls frequently shower him with unwanted attention. (See 2.)
4. Girls frequently fall in love with him and then become offended when he doesn't reciprocate.
5. Because of items 2-4, Limon works hard not to lead girls on. And yet to maintain friendships.
6. Although Limon does actually endorse a few of the opinions he writes here, he exaggerates for the purpose of humor.
Anonymous, I'm curious--Would that be a 100 percent Certified Angus Beef quarter-pound frank?
Cicada said:
"he's one of the more outstanding guys I've known here at BYU"
I think that's a sad commentary of two things...number one that behavior like that spoken of in Episodes I-III is done and blogged about by an "outstanding guy" and; two that you girls there seem to be acting as enablers in such poor treatment.
I won't waste anymore of your time here, only to say that Limon, nice try, but I don't apologize for anything that I said; and I still think you're a weiner: 100% certified, angus or not, it's still a weiner.
Still Anonymous,
Since you're never coming back to waste your time, then I can triumphantly have the last word. May anonymous people stumble across something that you post or say, misinterpret it, pass judgment quickly, and pronounce you a weiner. That is my wish for you.
Since I have known "Limon" much longer than most people here, i think i can say without a doubt in my mind, that his intentions are completely dishonorable, and that everything he does is done solely to amuse himself and in the process hurt as many people as possible.
In summary: He's the worst!
ps. i think you can pretty much rule out any opinion i have considerin the fact that i am in fact his little sister, and it's my job to tease and annoy as much as possible :)
I'd say i do a pretty good job!
You ought to be ashamed of yourself. This whole thing could have easily been avoided by simply telling the poor girl before you left the dance that you enjoyed dancing with the group, but now you needed to finish your date. Simple. Done. As for allowing her to feel badly for *your* negligent behavior, and then asking for a lasagna -- that just seals what I have always known about the selfish, arrogant, "considerate," and "attractive" guys that are running rampant in our communities. I don't give a damn how supposedly attractive you are. That doesn't give you license to let the naive victim assume all the blame. That is just disgusting. And your official date is just as responsible for this unfortunate misunderstanding, but at least she didn't dictate a free meal out of it. Oh, I'm sorry: meals, right? You did say that you got quite a few helpings out of it. You should be so proud.
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