The Daily Universe
The name of the Daily Universe, the BYU school newspaper, should be changed to something scathing and unclever, like the Crappy Universe or the Daily Toilet Paper. It is so consistently awful that I don't even know where to begin. How about the first thing I read today, the caption to the picture on the front page:
Incumbent mayoral candidate Lewis K. Billings Dave Bailey, left, speaks on October 27 as candidate Dave Bailey looks listens to his remarks.Did they have two sentences that they couldn't decide between? Because it looks as though they just smashed them together. Or maybe it is just a very odd coincidence that the incumbent and the other candidate have the same final names, and also a new verb has been discovered: to look listen. I look listen, you look listen, he/she looks listens.
When do we draw the line? I call upon the literate world to unite in protest against the slaughter of the English language!
Let it be known that cutting paragraphs off in the middle of a sentence is more than just a bad break.
Let it be known that "in light of" and "in lieu of" are in no way synonymous!
Let it be known that "soggy" is not an appropriate word to have in the headline of a front-page story!
I am not suggesting that we write letters to the editor, because I have already assumed that he or she cannot read. I am just hoping that by some miracle, we can hold our magic rings out and yell,
"Grammar!""Punctuation!"
"Spelling!"
"Style!"
"Heart!"
then have some bluish green man appear, saying, "With your powers combined, I am Captain Universe!" At this point he would go and destroy the Brimhall Building--or grab a red pencil and do some real editing. Either one would work for me right now. Meanwhile, I'll be looking listening to some books music.
posted by Limon @ 11:51 AM
22 comments
22 Comments:
No kidding. It's so funny.
I've heard it called the Daily UniFarce before...
Totally hilarious. Got here through Cicada. Thanks for the laugh.
It's nice to know that some things, like the Daily Unifarce, never change. But I ask you not to call on Captain Universe. The bleakest months of my life were when I dated an editor at the Unifarce and she would hit me every time I called it that. Please, let us have our little moments of superiority.
.
Are you saying they've put that rabble into the Brimhall Building!
What has happened to my university!!!!!
I once had an assignment for a writing class to make corrections in the Daily Universe. It was the easiest assignment I ever did as an undergraduate.
*shudder*
Maybe this is why I didn't go to BYU - I would have gone postal and killed the entire newspaper staff - all of them, all the chimps killed because they couldn't type well...but we all know that the saddest thing is, they aren't chimps - they're actually (supposedly) human beings with opposable thumbs writing that drivel.
I have to take a moment - the English major in me is about to have an aneurysm.
Uh... it's kindof sensitive to even bring it up, but The Daily Universe is responsable for a headline that reads thus: "Volunteers Help Rape Victims."
Now, if that headline makes it past several people without raising red flags...
Wow. I'm almost speechless.
"Volunteers Help Rape Victims"
I'm sorry, but that's one of the funniest things I've heard all day.
Before you obliterate them entirely, I ask you to remember that there is at least one righteous among them--someone there has at least the good sense to not be fond of BYUSA. It's hard to crush that, even if none of them can spell. Or report honestly. Or construct a decent sentence.
I'm currently saving headlines from my town paper that I hope will make a really funny post someday. I guess it wouldn't hurt to throw out a teaser:
Golf course has above-par opening
$18 every six months, and that's about all it's good for--collecting funny errors and stupid headlines. So does that mean all the former BYU students who worked on the Universe staff graduated (or left school) and got jobs on the American Fork paper? I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
I've worked at the Daily Universe. I myself called it The Pits of Despair. You could hear the sounds of suffering students seeping out under the doors of the news room. It was the dark ages of my BYU career. And after all of the hours, research, and writing we did day after day, we managed to still produced horrible...EVERYTHING. It made me a worser riter theen beefour.
It's true--I had two good friends, married to each other, who were the editors-in-chief of the Daily Universe before they left the BY for a professional newspaper (The Miami Herald). They're the best. No one smarter. No one a better writer. But they just groaned when people would bring up the Daily Universe. It's so big, so unmanageable, so full of unwieldy college-ness. It's amazing it gets on the stands everyday. (Which is amazing, if you think about it. Every morning, on the stands.) But I tell you, as one who's now attended two other institutions of higher learning, the Daily Universe is not alone. The Daily Texan? Maybe not as many caption foibles, but I tell you, the vapidest cartoons ever. (Though one pretty funny one, about a robot.) And articles, entire articles, dedicated to exploring the underlife of the authors' roommates. Embrace the Daily Universe, I say. And try to make it into the Police Beat.
My favorite sentence from The Daily Universe: "There were plenty of smiles, children, and ice cream consumed." Sounds like quite the party.
Today there's a headline that says "Napoleon takes a bite out of London." I don't mention this to make fun of the newspaper, but it was humorous at first as I thought, did he come back to life? I think they were referring to the movie, though. I still haven't read the article.
How did you get on this Web site?
DP: Um, are you suggesting that I look like that guy with the helmet on? I guess I do wear glasses. . . but otherwise, I think you are an idiot. Don't take that the wrong way.
How should I know how to take it? I can't read your thoughts with that helmet on!
Hahahahahahahahaha.
This is a little late, but the problems with school papers is exactly the reason I volunteered to write a humor column my senior year. Although I did have my brilliant friend, 'Nuclear Underpants,' edit the posts so the column didn't look like my blog.
Limon. I miss you. I look at your picture and think, Man that's a great helmet.
Limon,
Where are you? We, your reading public, need a post...otherwise, we will have to start reading the Unifarce and that'd suck - especially for me, since I'm not driving all the way down to BYU for a copy of the paper.
redlaw: Sorry for the delay in posting. I have been having a week more full of flat frustration than clever comedic commentary.
I am just glad that we all agree that the Daily Universe stinks. I should give them credit for trying though. Oh wait, the university already does that.
Post a Comment
<< Home