Life of the Unemployed
10:00 AM: Wake up. Realize that you don't have anything to do. Roll over.
11:00 AM: Wake up. Realize that you don't have anything to do, but decide that you are probably starting to break the word of wisdom or something. Get up.
11:15 AM: Eat a bowl of cereal.
11:25 AM: Eat another bowl of cereal.
11:35 AM: Sigh because Wimbledon is over and you no longer have anything active to watch. Turn on old episodes of Stargate: SG-1.
3:00 PM: Play that song from the closing credits of the second Narnia movie on the guitar.
3:30 PM: Put on the 60-minute P90X DVD your roommate had illegally burned.
3:35 PM: Realize you are really out of shape.
3:50 PM: Realize that Plyometrics is a fancy way of saying squatting and jumping until you want to throw up.
3:52 PM: Wonder if there was anything life-changing on the rest of the video.
3:53 PM: Press pause to take a "short" break.
3:55 PM: Decide that Plyometrics will still be there when you are unemployed next week. Remove DVD.
4:00 PM: Eat a pork chop that your roommate hasn't eaten yet because you have no food because you sold your contract for the summer and you don't really have any place to live and therefore no cabinets to put food in and therefore no food.
5:00 PM: Try to convince your roommate to play tennis.
6:00 PM: Hit the ball out by two feet for the sixty-fifth time.
6:10 PM: Return home in shame.
6:15 PM: Watch So You Think You Can Dance.
8:00 PM: See 11:35 AM.
10:00 PM: Go alone to see "Drag Me to Hell" at the dollar theater because rottentomatoes.com gave it 95% positive reviews and you don't have any friends that would want to go see it with you.
12:00 AM: Play the guitar.
12:30 AM: Review your scheduled activities for tomorrow.
12:30:05 AM: Fall asleep watching something on hulu.com.
4:38 AM: Dream about having something better to do with your life.
posted by Limon @ 2:42 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Sounds pretty exciting. Give me a call next time you want to play tennis. That is, if you don't mind that I'm no good at it.
"12:30 AM: Review your scheduled activities for tomorrow.
12:30:05 AM: Fall asleep watching something on hulu.com. "
I laughed out loud. Thank you for that gift, for you see, I am also unemployed and average .8 real laughs a day. I'm already above average. And my mood has slightly improved--from mild depression to light depression. I think the sun's shining outside. Maybe I'll raise the blinds to check. . . maybe I'll just keep reading things on the Internet til I forget the sun exists again.
Why don't you just move into one of your parents house? Or you could move to Oregon and spend more time writing blogs with my mom, since ya'll are the most entertaining writers on the internet.
I have a few suggestions. They are derived from a meaningless life, of which I have done extensive research.
First, around tuesday or wednesday, you sit with the remote control and scan through all your favorite channels and press record on any show that tickles your fancy. You will then have tv for the next week. This will provide unmeasurable stability for the angst that a meaningless life provides.
Set up a fan by your bed, in case you want to take a nap. A fan makes all the difference.
Apologize to your daughter that you haven't sent her birthday gift because you were sucked in by an America's Next Top Model Marathon on Oxygen. It might be awkward, but you don't want her waiting by the mailbox needlessly.
Own your pitifulness. If you own it, people can't mock you first.
Post a Comment
<< Home