Eddie Bauer
I was shopping for a present for my brother at the mall today and went into Eddie Bauer since I was wearing a pair of their jeans that I bought six years ago. That, apparently was my first mistake. As I was leaving after some unsuccessful rummaging, the sales associate intercepted my escape route and asked, "Did you find anything you liked?"
As far as I can tell, this is not an appropriate question to ask someone as they are leaving your store empty-handed. This is because there is no appropriate response when you are leaving their store empty-handed. These are the options I can see for this situation:
Scenario 1
SA: Did you find anything you liked?
Limon: No, your store is urine-soaked hell hole. (Or a "pee-pee soaked heck hole" for those of you who are from Utah County.)
Scenario 2
SA: Did you find anything you liked?
Limon: No. You see, I am blind, and what I thought was Braille on the counters turned out to be the nails holding the shelves together. I am actually just going to see the ACLU to complain about that and the Merry Christmas sign. You see, I am also Jewish.
Scenario 3
SA: Did you find anything you liked?
Limon: Yes, unfortunately my mom says I can't buy skirts anymore. At least not with her credit card or until I start shaving my legs.
Scenario 4
SA: Did you find anything you liked?
Limon: Yes, but I have to run right now because I am having an awful attack of dysentery, and I don't know if I can hold . . . Whoops!
Scenario 5
SA: Did you find anything you liked?
Limon: Yes. It's just that I can't imagine spending fifty dollars for a sweater, forty dollars for a shirt, or twenty dollars for a hat, all of which blatantly advertise your company. Shouldn't you be paying me to be a walking billboard?
Scenario 6 (The Actual One)
SA: Did you find anything you liked?
Limon: No. (walks even faster out the door)
So I don't have much courage when it comes to talking to sales associates who probably have x-ray vision and can spy directly into my wallet, who see me intentionally look at things I would never buy just to make my way to the sales rack without embarassment. But next time I will be prepared with plenty of words he won't like.
posted by Limon @ 11:44 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
Amen to #5!!
Here's another bad question I here at the beginning of a shopping trip: "You shopping today, ma'am?"
Why yes I am Sales Associate - Captain Obvious.
Tis the season to spend wasteful, countless hours in the mall.
My brother and I would sometimes play a game to see how fast we could get commission-paid associates at Foot Action to leave us alone. We had trouble keeping straight faces as we recited our rehearsed refusals of service.
"Please sir, my brother and I would like to browse completely unassisted."
(snicker)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I'm going to report you to the ACLU for using such offensive language--H-E-Double Hockey Sticks Hole. Are you home from school right now?
I just do all of my shopping online. I can't be bothered with all of the hassle...You know, moving isn't really my thing. The added benefit is that you avoid the stupid sales people, the hassle of crowds and the inconvenience of perspiration. It's really cool.
Ha Ha, does that sales clerk need a seminar?
Limon, where are you? It's been a while since the last post...sure, it's holiday vacation time but I need entertaining constantly....and I know we all live our lives to accomodate me.
Hope you had a very Merry Christmas (once the shopping was dealt with) and that you have a Happy New Year....and that you post something soon! ;-)
This is Shneebs14's mother. And she is truly brillant. A shining star as it were. oops--captain obvious. I've got to say, that besides noticing the brilliance of Schneebs14, I agreed with Redlaw as well. Where have you been? I've found myself lonely and cold here without any blogs to uplift and entertain; armed with only my woodstove and my handmade-not-bought-in-a-mall- afgahn, which was by the way a Christmas present.
ps my furnace is out and i am a widow.
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